I just got back from my home state Kedah. Over the weekend we went up north to my second wife’s hometown in Alor Setar and Jitra. With MCO and whatnot, it’s been a while since we were back in Kedah.
Growing up in Sungai Petani in the 80s and 90s, you get to see Penang progressed from where they were to northern economic powerhouse.
Of course growing up in the good old Kedah with 76% of the population are of rural Malays, spending more than a decade in government school with 90% of my friends being Malays, one tend to filter one’s view through a kinda racially-driven lens.
Growing up, we were made to believe that the Chinese took all the lands, buildings and whatnot in Penang and drove the Malays out of Tanjung, towards Balik Pulau. The Malays sold their lands to the Chinese as the Chinese made them an offer they can’t refuse.
I remember back in the day, I asked some of the elders around me, how come the Chinese can afford to offer the Malays that much money for their land?
The answer was simple, “Depa kapiaq takdak agama, depa menega boleh menipu. Kita Islam tak boleh menipu. Depa boleh rasuah sini sana, kita tak boleh. Sebab tu depa kaya pastu beli abih semua.”. Loosely translated to, “They (The Chinese) don’t believe in Islam so they can lie and cheat in doing business. We Muslims can’t lie and cheat. They can bribe here and there, we can’t. That’s how they get to be so rich and bought everything up.”
“Depa kapiaq takdak agama, depa menega boleh menipu. Kita Islam tak boleh menipu. Depa boleh rasuah sini sana, kita tak boleh. Sebab tu depa kaya, pastu beli abih semua”
I believed we Malays have caught up to the Chinese. We are now as good as them if not better, than the Chinese when it comes to running a business. Don’t believe me? Let me share with you some of the amazing success stories I’ve read in the news lately.
A business with people at the heart of it.
Let’s start with the proud folks from down south. Knowing that Malaysia is growing rapidly and in need of cheap labours, several high ranking government officials and high ranking uniformed officials banded together and started a business to smuggle Indonesian migrant. These astonishingly innovative businessmen and businesswomen are of course all Malays. Chief among them is the Asst’ Director of Immigration Department, a Malay lady, her right hand man, a Malay; Construction worker, a Malay as well; ferry ticket agent, also a Malay; and a security guard, you guessed it right, a Malay as well.
The poor Myanmar refugees can’t pay to be smuggled in so these Malay businesspersons, can’t make money that way. Hence they don’t really care about the Myanmar refugees lah. But the Indonesian can pay them good money, so they smuggled them in by the truckloads. These people smuggled into the country definitely helped the economy to grow. How else would we build the roads, houses and buildings? Of course they are taking valuable jobs for Malaysians in the country but the we the Malays make money in smuggling them so it’s okay lah. With the Myanmar, we can’t make any money. So this is better lah.
I’m pretty proud of them, they have successfully helped to grow Johor and supported the businesses there with cheap foreign labour by smuggling human beings into our country. This really is an import export enterprise here. Importing and exporting people that is.
Hidup Melayu! Long Live Malays!
A business with our children at the heart of it.
The second case, is close to all our hearts. It involves our kids and our schools. The schools has always been a Malay friendly industry. Canteen provider are mostly Malays. Security guard suppliers, Malays. Stationeries, Malays. Teachers, mostly Malays, Headmasters/Mistress, Malays. Officers in PPD and Ministry, mostly Malays as well.
So when I read in the papers that ‘Boarding schools supplied with food items past expiry dates, no expiry dates, no halal certification, non approved food supplies, dirty kitchen based on the recent Auditor General report’, I can only imagine that our Malay teachers, headmasters, assistant headmasters at government religious schools, technical, vocational, residential schools are doing a mighty fine job in inspecting and supervising the kitchen, stocks and purchasing from great suppliers. Let’s list down some of the innovations introduced by these contractors and school administrators that have catapulted the Malays to the forefront:
- 30% of the schools have expired food items more than 1.5 years past.
- 71% of the schools have food items that’s not certified halal by JAKIM.
- 55% of the schools have unapproved brand of food items.
- 21% of the schools have expired food items more than 1.5 years past.
- 30% of the schools have dirty kitchens.
And the suppliers to these government religious schools, boarding schools and other schools are mostly Malays as well. So these Malays business man are definitely upping the game to be on the same level as the cheating and lying Chinese businessman who aren’t Muslims. I’m incredibly proud of my Malay brethren here.
Especially when these brethren of mine are teachers and headmasters/headmistress and school administrators. Kudos to the Malay suppliers as well. They definitely got the contract after dealing the said Malay Headmasters, Teachers, PPD and Ministry Officers and probably a few Division Heads of a certain political party. They are definitely people with super strong fibre optics cables. They are not people like you and me ladies and gentlemen. They are folks with connections to those in power.
In any case, they are really doing a mighty find job of educating our kids on the way to run an enterprise and get rich faster. May our brights kids who are eating non-halal certified, non approved and expired food cooked in dirty kitchen get all the blessings and barakah from the teachers and school administrators.
Hidup Melayu! Long live Malays!
A business that is definitely made in heaven up above.
The last one is the most successful of the three examples I’m sharing. It is none other than the business ran by our Mama-san. The business of “makan atas angin” or “Ali baba”. This is where the Malays excel way better than the Chinese. In fact, it’s probably the only industry where 100% of ownership of all “makan atas angin” businesses belong to the Malays.
Based on the ongoing trial involving the ever lovely Kak Mah, the court was told that Kak Mah “makan atas angin” RM5,000,000, while her aide RM500,000 for helping a company secured a RM1.25 billion diesel solar hybrid project. Court was also told that the company has been paid RM63 million in July 2017 to start the project but nothing had been done since then.
A Malay consultant between Kak Mah and the company also “makan atas angin” RM1,000,000. He was promised another RM10,000,000 by the company director (Saudi Abang Samsurijal, Malay?). Court was also told that, Kak Mah demanded 15% or RM187,500,000 worth of “makanan atas angin” to help the company secure the project to supply solar hybrid energy to 369 schools (Awwww, it’s for the lovely schools AGAIN. They really do love schools) in Sarawak. Then the aide to Kak Mah, an amazingly talented business negotiator named Rizal, also demanded more “makanan atas angin” of RM 25,000,000 in instalments of RM5,000,00 a year, over 5 years.
These are some incredible state-of-the-art business deal techniques employed by Mama-san and Co. Great negotiation skills to get better deals, even Trump who wrote the book “Trump: The Art of the Deal”, could not have closed the deal the same way Mama-San, the aide and the consultant did.
Not only do these towering Malays did better than the Chinese, they did better than Trump!
Back in the 50s, P. Ramlee has us in stitches with the famous scene below:
Now Kak Mah gave us the sequel,
- RM5,000,000 untuk aku
- RM500,000 untuk engkau
- RM63,000,000 untuk engkau dan tak payah buat apa-apa
- RM1,000,000 aku terima
- RM10,000,000 engkau janji
- RM5,000,000 engkau bayar dulu
- RM500,000 aku bagi dulu
- 15% atau RM187.5 million aku mintak
- RM25,000,000 engkau mintak
- Nah beg penuh dengan RM1,500,000 untuk engkau
- Nah rasuah untuk aku RM5,000,000
- Amik ni 10-15% bayaran untuk engkau
- Eh…“Actually it is a commission but it is not nice to say that…” untuk aku
- Eh…“Actually it is a commission but it is not nice to say that…” untuk engkau
If it’s not commission, it’s political donation. Donation for what? Untuk kerajaan isle la.
Hidup Melayu! Long live Malays.
The Malay businesses have progressed to a new level that has far surpassed the Chinese. Not just the Chinese but the west and Jews themselves can’t do things like these. This is the art of the deal! I’m incredibly proud to be a Malay.
Peace be unto all.
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